Happy What Now?

who decided that to be happy we must be "together"? i will have you know that i am perfectly happy being totally, completely, utterly, desperately, pathetically alone. well. most of the time. i'm tired of the first question from my colleagues on a friday being "what are you up to this weekend?" and the second question being "who are you doing that with?" the response is unvariably "no one" and the result is always someone pitying me. i despise that. alright, so taking myself out for birthday dinner was a little pathetic. but if i don't treat myself who will? okay so choosing tonight to do my grocery shopping because the store will be quiet might be a little lame. but i need groceries! tell ya what. if i could figure out how to meet people i would. it's not that i'm an extreme anti social or anything. usually. but where do you go? and not just to get a date...i mean to really meet people. make friends. enjoy someone elses company for a change. i'm single and in a strange town where i know no one. so.....what? i'm not about to just walk up to strangers and start a desperate super friendly conversation. i'm too old (and too broke) for the bar scene. i work 60+ hours a week - in an environment where everyone is either 10 years younger or 20 years older. i volunteer - but i'm usually there in the evenings and as such i am usually there alone. i've met some really nice people, sure. but how do you move from a friendly introduction and hand shake to a friendship? maybe i am a complete anti social if i don't understand this concept. when someone does finally ask if maybe i'd like to do something sometime i wonder what could possibly be wrong with them that they are talking to me. but i don't worry about that much - it doesn't happen often. it's not that i'm a complete dog either. i'm no beauty queen, but i'm fit. i'm blonde. i'm busty. i'm independant. i'm intellegent. wait. that could be my problem, no? people see me and expect one thing but i guess i'm a bit of a false advertiser. i'm afraid i'm not the ditzy easy sleazy blonde. i have thoughts in my head (once and a while) and choose to express them (more often than perhaps i should) so what's a girl to do? i'll be picking up a bottle of wine (or two) to have with my mac and cheese at home with my cats tonight. happy love smoochie puke day everyone.